Being Heard and Being Understood

It can be frustrating when you don't feel understood

Many people have had the experience of feeling listened to, but not truly heard, where the other person seems to be waiting for their turn to speak, rather than tuning in to what is actually being said. Even when intentions are good, this can leave someone feeling unseen or uncared for, as though their words didn’t quite land.

Often, this happens not because people are selfish, but because they are absorbed in their own thoughts and experiences. There can be a strong desire to share, to relate, or to help. Conversations can quickly fill with unrelated examples, unsolicited advice, or assumptions that don’t quite fit. In these moments, the original message can get lost, and so can the person sharing it.

When someone genuinely listens to understand, the experience feels very different. There is less interruption, and the conversation is able to move at its own pace. Questions and comments flow more naturally, without force or frustration. It can feel like a relief.

In these moments, people often share more, rather than shutting down or losing their train of thought. There is reassurance and validation, a sense of being checked in with rather than judged. An open mind allows information to be shared safely, without fear of being corrected, dismissed, or misunderstood.

When people don’t feel understood, they may begin to withdraw. It can feel pointless to keep explaining when it seems like the other person isn’t really listening. Over time, this becomes exhausting. Having to work hard to be seen or heard can make sharing feel like more effort than it’s worth, and can carry into future conversations with the quiet expectation that the same thing might happen again.

Being understood reduces loneliness because it helps people feel seen and connected. It reminds them that they are not alone in their experiences or thoughts. Feeling supported in this way can strengthen relationships and deepen connection. When someone feels safe enough to keep talking, something often shifts. They may be able to reflect more deeply, consider different perspectives, or take steps toward healing or problem-solving that weren’t possible before.

This difference is especially noticeable in communication. When children feel understood, they are often more willing to open up and attempt communication. Feeling supported and connected to their communication partner can make a meaningful difference, not just to progress, but to confidence and engagement.

When families feel understood, there is more context to draw from. This can build trust and create space for more open, collaborative communication. When communication feels safe, cooperation often improves, connections deepen, and progress can follow.

Sometimes, understanding why someone is communicating or behaving in a certain way requires setting expectations aside and staying curious. Letting go of rigid ideas about how things should look can create room for trust to grow, and for important context to emerge.

Perhaps this is something worth noticing more often. Not as something to fix or perfect, but as a reminder of how powerful it can be to feel genuinely understood.